It hit me last Thursday, that I am pretty much a single parent more than 75% of the year! Then the next question I freaked out about was, how am I going to do this all alone, especially the teenagers?! My husband works January through October, everyday, all day. He travels all over the US and is on a different time zone most of the time. When people hear he watches baseball for a living they must think, what a great job. I wonder if anyone knows what it's really like.
Up until recently, I did a pretty good job of keeping the kids connected and distracted while he was gone. They go through different phases of being sad and mad. The new emotion is anger. I guess we grieve when he's gone and when he comes home we adjust or act out when we know he'll be leaving again. I know he thinks I'm pretty lucky, getting to be in the same bed nightly, real home cooked food, hanging out with my kids. Don't get me wrong, I do feel fortunate!
I have been home from work for 11 years!! Over the years I have been able to explore myself and follow my passions. I started homeschooling when my son was 18 months old. I started teaching natural childbirth when he was 2 and became a natural healer when he was 7. Wow how lucky can I be to not have to worry about work and just focus on my family! Well, with all that comes a down side. No break for mom!! This might be ok if my husband came home nightly or even on the weekends. But there could be months at a time where I don't know where he is and when he's coming home. Of course I chose to live in Sacramento to be close to my parents and brother, so I could use their help. They do help quite a bit, but when the chaos appears and daddy is gone, it is me. One strong, patient, well experienced, bachelors in child development (so I should know how to handle anything) mother! I'm trying my best.
Lately it has been interesting the dynamics around here with a new 11 year old boy, who misses his daddy and all his old neighbor playmates. The 8 year old girl has her qualities, that I'd love to trade in when I'm tired. Which with a nursing 1 year old, tired is my middle name. So, as the glass bottle broke on the floor, sending all kids scrambling to clean up, I had to ask myself, "How am I going to handle a 1 year old camping?" I quickly shot a text off to three people. My husband said, "we would handle her together." My sister said, "this too shall pass." Boy that sounded good when I said it to her, but not sure how it helps me now! My friend, who is also going camping, said, "alcohol." Funny that is close to what my friend said last week, when I wept by the pool, over a 11 year old whom wasn't listening! (She said margarita's.)
So, I come back to my question, what does the chaos mean? There is definitely a message or lesson to be heard and learned. Slow down, spend time, listen, simplify, expand your village, find your rhythm, love your children, take an om card, have faith. When I drove off with all three in tow, I ran into a used kids store and bought a backpack style carrier, to hold the 1 year old when camping. I then headed up the hill to my cousins, listening to classical music, which forced the kids to be quiet and probably go inward. We enjoyed family, swimming, food and nature. Not many discipline issues especially when all are happy and relaxed. We got home and I tucked my 11 year old in, applied his favorite essential oils, and had our 11 kisses and 1 to grow on. He stopped me and said sorry for his poor behavior. We sealed the apology with 12 kisses again, and I felt better. I got another call from the 8 year old, saying sorry and sealed that apology with 9 kisses. I love them. Maybe this transition from our old home, filled with great neighbors, was a gift. We are no longer distracted from our family getting to know each other. Wow, what a powerful thought. Family is important, kids are the future, care for them tenderly. When the weeds of doubt come up, look for the wildflowers. This too shall pass.
