I'm Only Human

I have been wanting to share this blog with people for awhile now. I refer to it as my private blog. I'm pretty simple when it comes to technology, hence the no frill blog. I wish I were an expert in balance, but I'm not, I'm just a regular mom. I do lose it and I feel bad about the way I handled situations. I look at my piles and wonder if I will ever get control of those areas. I am constantly making lists then losing those in a pile and starting again. I wish I could write a blog that told a perfect story. But that would be a lie, which makes me wonder what other people are saying, is it all true? I had this water bottle the other day at gymnastics. It has been all over, and has fallen quite a bit. The bottom is no longer flat, so it is hard to get it to stay balanced to stand. I stood it on the wall while talking to other moms and we watched it teeter and fall. I said it's life in a bottle, always trying to stay balanced without falling! The mom's laughed and then started sharing, "yes, I feel like that, always about to fall over, but still able to get by." This reminds me of when I first had a baby and saw all these mom's telling these beautiful stories. I looked at my world and thought what am I doing wrong? Then I saw real moms tell real stories on Oprah. I was so happy to hear all the real thoughts. Some people were horrified! They couldn't believe women would go on and tell what they were really feeling. I'm thinking it is time for this show to run again. Maybe I should do a show on how to create balance and how it really looks day to day. So, as I write this I realize that I should share this blog. I can only be opening conversations between mom's to be real. I think having a open heart and the courage to say what you feel is good for your family. Please read and return whenever you feel the need for balance or to get a laugh. I try to post weekly, and if I don't you know things are extremely busy and this has been at the bottom of the list. Yes, I am human!

It is all a Test

Well, what a challenging day! I started at 7 a.m. sending my husband off for Oregon for a few days. Then decided to call Comcast to deal with a billing issue and slow internet. At the same time had my parents come pick up my car, to drop off because the check engine light went on over the weekend. I am suddenly on the phone for an hour, my son is then crying and upset due to a new toy left in daddies car, which is now at the airport! I'm on hold trying to comfort him, then my phone needs to be charged. I had a challenging time trying to calm down, then I get a mixed up call from the OB office saying I have labs to get done, so I can try and conceive. I'm confused, I have had 2 kids! Comcast calls back twice, the car place three times, I wind up trying to get the info. straight on a part I have never heard of! Then make the decision to get the work done! I felt that I made a informed decision, based on the lack of knowledge I have about cars! I then talk with a neighbor about the car, he says I've been ripped off! AHHHH. I have my parents, thank goodness, to take me and kids to my son's baseball game. The team was making errors and I couldn't stop yelling!!! My son did play hard and got some great hits! We finally crawl into bed, and there in his bed is the new toy!! What a crazy day! I am proud that I held it together, barely! The light went out and my son said, "let's do our gratitude journal." I am pleased.

Yes, I am Balanced

I had a very busy day starting with yoga, ending with a talk on How to Create Balance with Essential Oils. In between was running the kids back and forth to classes, making food trays for a potluck, preparing for the talk, watching a movie that made both my daughter and I cry, and trying not to lose it completely. I am a first born and have these expectations of myself, that involve trying to be my best, perfect. I also try to think of every detail and try real hard to present to different learners, this takes a lot of time. I had to lean on my husband a few times today, my friend and my mom. I have learned that asking for what you specifically need is a good tool. I try not to feel guilty in asking others for help. I always find it ironic when I am trying to present something that it seems I am the one having a hard time doing it! I then feel like I am a hypocrite. I think the best lesson I learned today is that if you strive for consciousness and living in the now, that even in the mist of the storm, I know I can make it out. I CAN HAVE BALANCE.

Mother's Day

I had a nice mother's day, pretty mellow with not much planning involved. I got to sleep in, had juice brought to me by my boy, then breakfast from my husband. My kids made planters with marigolds, a bit of sunshine on a cloudy day. I got more calls, cards, texts, facebook posts then any year! Kind of ironic, I was just fretting on Thursday, how I had not gotten any cards out!! I always give to the mom's. I just couldn't find the energy or time to send anything. Then I was pleasantly surprised when I got so much attention. Guess the saying, "what goes around comes around" is true! Thank you!!

I was fortunate to go to the Spiritual Life Center today and hear some great music and mom's speak about motherhood. They posed a few questions: what is the greatest joy of motherhood, the biggest surprise, something you learned about yourself, something you wish you had known before hand? As I sat and listened to these women, I was wondering how I would have answered. So without much thought, here it goes!

The greatest joy I find is how much I love I have for them and how I love to be around them and miss them when they are gone! The fun we have and how they make me laugh so hard!! (I have to write it down to remember the funny sayings!) The biggest surprise is how hard it is to do everything that I want to do! I used to be so organized, clean and on time. I also am surprised how hard it is to parent and make the perfect decision and to discipline well and not have them get mad at you! The thing I have learned about myself is that I don't have to be perfect or know all the answers. I am a good mom and my kids are lucky. I have a lot of patience and parent right from the heart. I follow my gut and stick up for my kids at all costs. The thing I wish I knew before I had kids was they don't all follow the textbook. You may be a good teacher and have studied Child development, but they are individuals. There will be challenging days, but you can get through it and your kids will still love you! I would not change my life, I am lucky to have two healthy children and am able to stay home with them. I know I am doing the right things by helping them on their journey through life! It is a big job, I'm the woman for it!

Going With The Flow

Easier said then done! I have this ideal school day in my head, and even after almost 4 years, I still have a hard time being flexible! One of the reasons I like homeschooling is so we don't have to get caught in the crazy hustle and bustle of day to day school routines. We can go with the moment, hang out with daddy when he is home, go to places at off times. Well, this is also what tends to throw me off! My husband was home this morning getting ready to travel and he needed help with laundry. So, the kids watched a short movie, while I tried to get his stuff together. I can do this, right? Well as soon as he left and the kids were ready, I'm still in my robe and we haven't done a pinch of school work! I found myself going around the home staring at piles and projects not wanting to start any because it was school time. Well this continued until, I called my mom for encouragement. We decided that my son was discovering a lot, building a monster tank with K-Nex. I then gathered the kids to go to the car wash, where we would explore different types of jobs. We quickly found out that the car wash had gone out of business!! There went that lesson. What happened to my fun Friday I was trying to implement or was it fast Friday? Today felt like flop Friday! I am really good at looking at everyday activities and making them sound educational. My kids will often try and convince me to let them play a game or watch something because it is about science or math. So here it goes: life skills, making bed, getting dressed, sticking to a routine; movie: Pippy Longstalking-homeschooled child, manners, imagination exploration; K-Nex building, symmetry, science, math; thrift store shopping- price comparisons, math, more/less than; gymnastics-P.E.; calendar- math, scheduling, priorities. Well, I maybe stretching it today, but when I saw my 8 year old boy pick up a Star Wars book and read out front by the tree, I knew that it was worth it!!

Real Homeschooling

We just had a wonderful day with our Waldorf Inspired Homeschool Friends. We celebrated May Day, with songs, a May pole, great food and games! The multi-ages surprised me with their ability to get along, form teams and play capture the flag for hours! The little ones were exploring and making mud pies. The parents were relaxing, talking and grazing. I was listening to many homeschoolers and their experiences and asking about their philosophy and what their schedule looks like. It always amazes me to hear how different school looks to each person. I think we have similar goals, to treat our kids as individuals, show them respect and help them learn at their pace. Just some of our goals, but how we reach them is the difference. When you start homeschooling it can be challenging to figure out your rhythm and routine. I am ending our fourth year and feel like I got it down now. Of course there are days I wonder if I am doing enough, but I trust my kids to tell me when they are ready for more. My son is almost nine and is starting to express that he wants to read more. Yay, it will probably be much easier now that he showing interest. He went to the library and checked out Scooby Doo and Stars Wars books! When you start out you are also trying to find support, so we tend to go online and read other experiences! The only problem is people make it look all great. They don't tell you the bad days or the days that you do no school. They don't tell how they threaten to send their kids to traditional school when they are not cooperating or how they pack them up and go to the library so they won't be distracted. They don't tell you about the days they have a lesson planned and the kids get sidetracked with snails. Well I noticed this problem when I had a baby, the mom's who always said it was perfect. Then came a show on Oprah, where real mom's tell it all! I loved it, calling a new mom, saying "I knew the other mom's were lying!!" I never understood that, I tell the truth, I feel it helps people connect. So I'm here to tell you- anything you are doing is right, you are covering what you are supposed to that day, your children will be fine and they are lucky and so are you!